Is it possible to love so much, too much in fact, that it becomes destructive to the relationship?












Hate to admit it but I think the answer is yes.

Stupidity

Well it seems that I just keep making the same fucking mistakes don't I? At this rate, urgh I don't even want to think about it. Seriously now, what the fuck is wrong with me? I can't even fathom this level of stupidity that I reside in. You don't deserve this from me and I can't stop blaming myself for all that is going on. My efforts are not translating into results and I don't want to take too long for you to see that I am still trying my best. It seems as though my effort is never sufficient, my intentions always misconstrued, and my actions losing it's value.

I need a breakthrough and I need it now because my happiness is solely dependent on yours and lately, I've been nothing but a miserable wreck.

Nobody Else

I had a dream
That one night I will kiss you
But tonight I am here
All alone and I miss you

Where have you gone
For so long, I am waiting
My heart aches for you
Your warmth and your loving

Oh lonely nights
Oh night skies

I’m cold and it’s dark and I need you with me
A splash of the sun’s what you are to me
Am I selfish for wanting you all to myself
But darling for me there ain’t nobody else.

Nobody else.....

It’s reality
Not a dream, this is true
That my heart
It’s for you, oh baby I love you

P.B.J.

Please pardon the utter randomness of this post but I have to declare this in writing for te sheer sake of personal satisfaction. Over the past year or so, I have developed a love for something which I often overlooked during my childhood. Access to the officer's mess at work has allowed me a free flow of toast and several spreads to accompany it. Maybe it was inevitable, I don't really know, but what I do know is that there is no turning back.

Peanut butter & jelly sandwich. Yes. Praise thee, creator of the peanut butter & jelly sandwich. It took but an instant upon the first bite for me to feel the spark that would ignite my passionate love for PB&J sandwiches. The rich, creamy and nutty taste fused with the childish sweetness of jam. It's made even more satisfying when you toast the bread yourself, spread the peanut butter yourself and spread the jam yourself instead of using those jams swirled into the peanut butter, like Skippy. It must be raw. It must be messy.

Oh dear god I can't take it anymore. Off to make some PB&J sandwiches now.

The ORD Post

As of today, I have officially completed two years of compulsory National Service. As of right now, I have regained posession of my pink i/c. It seems surreal, like an out of body experience, to finally reach this finishing line. No longer a full-time NSF, but a civilian.

I remember the morning of 6th March 2010, the nerves, excitement, apprehensions and a whole conundrum of feelings building up in my entire body, a conundrum that conjured some magical butterflies right in the pit of my stomach. Yeah, it was a memorable day, being taken away from my sheltered, privileged life and right into direct ownership of the government. Amidst the chaos in my mind though, there is something that I remember very fondly, word for word. Something that my dad told me right before I had to "fall in" for the first time in that mystical Pulau Tekong. Something that was to set the tone for my entire NS journey.

"Take this as a challenge".

Five simple words were all it took to pull me through these two years. My first night in camp was spent musing, analysing and evaluating all the possible meanings that these words may encompass. For the record, I managed to wring out plenty of meaning.

I won't lie, there were lots of unpleasant experiences, but through it all, I've managed to open up my mind and learn so many new things; about myself, about the others around me, about the world in general. Amidst all these I still managed to bag a few new personal achievements as well. Despite the pain, challenges and obstacles, I can safely and very confidently conclude that my NS experience has been a wonderfully unique and enriching one. Yes, I actually think NS was good for me, contrary to what most people would say of their own experience.

I can go on and on with explaining how the past two years has been so good to me but i'd prefer reveling in my new found status as a civilian right now instead of sitting here and typing. I'd like to end this post by giving mention to the special entities that has made the past two years a good one.

Commanders and recruits of 02/10 BMTC 1 Q Coy Platoon 2,
Cadets and instructors of 2nd RCC,
Personnel of FRTC,
Rota 1 trainees from 44th FFC to 48th FFC,
CDA staff who have also become friends,

Though the chances of any of you reading this is too miniscule for me to even count, I still thank all of you for the wonderful time.

ORD OH!

I Got You

I really want to dance. Try it out at least.

First Valentine

Let's meet up.
Let's walk around.
Let's settle down.
Let's surprise each other.

Let's have cupcakes.
Red velvet. Peanut butter.
Let's have Nutella Go!
Hard to find in this country.
Let's get another surprise.
Yup, I was thrown off alright.

Let's walk around even more.
Let's have a light snack.
Let's chat while we snack.
Let's learn more about each other.

Let's talk about the past.
About friends,ex crushes and embarrassing firsts.
Let's talk about now.
About enjoying each other's company.
Let's talk about the future.
About uncertainties and ideal situations.

Let's go home.
Let's walk back to the train station.
Let's slowly walk.
Let's just enjoy each other.